I'm Not... Responding

The title of this post is ironic, unlike the song by Alanis Morrisette which chronicles several vignettes that are all examples of Canadian Irony, or as I like to call it, "being a jackass." Let's examine a few lines:

" It's the free ride and you've already paid" -- Well why did you pay?

"It's a death row pardon two minutes too late" -- "It's a homonymn in this song 2 words apart." My question is, who pardoned this? Did they not realize this is a time sensitive issue? Did they send in the paperwork snail mail? Not even Express or Certified? Did they try to make the pardon call and lose service? Stupid cell phones.

"It's the good advice that you just didn't take" -- I feel like we shouldn't even go here. Then again... I envision that Alanis' agent said "hey do you think you should name this song 'Ironic' when none of it is ironic at all? Other than the fact that you're singing about things being ironic and the examples you're using aren't ironic at all which, in turn, makes it ironic?" And Alanis just smiles at him blankly.

Anyway, the point is that I am responding to a post by A-Myrch, and this whole charade was just a time waster. Which may or may not be ironic. Check here for the originating post...


As it pertains to Closed Captioning: Yes, the system is flawed and YES, we probably should have something better at this point. That said, why do you really care? If you're a deaf person, isn't something better than nothing? At the risk of sounding like an ass, I don't hear any deaf people complaining!

Hang on a second, I feel dirty.

Ok, it's not going away, I'll just have to muddle through. The point is that we, as people who are fortunate enough to still have our hearing, need to just not take for granted what we have and see the entertainment value in being able to read the absurdity of Closed Captioning. For more on this topic, see Rick Reilly's point of view.

As it pertains to protein shakes: I can't even begin to care. As noted, I'm not anyone important and I know it, so I'm not big into the "try to make myself look as good as possible" because really, I just don't have the energy. So my thought here is, if you don't like all vanilla shakes, buy 3 different flavors and instead of having 25 shakes, you'll have 75 and a longer lasting supply. Then you can rotate as you wish. Is this really that difficult, Myrch?

As it pertains to Fun: No, the band Fun. And I still have not listened. I will. Eventually. Maybe.

As it pertains to Minor League Sports: I have to agree that minor league games are fantastic. Having a minor league baseball park 1 mile from your house is very convenient. For the most part these guys play all the games the right way because they are still trying to make their dreams come true (not the one about the girls and Xbox, etc. for you "followers").

Since we're here, I'd officially make this the "unofficial" bucket list of minor(ish) sporting events to attend at least once in life:

1) NBA Vegas Summer League - It's like going to an AAU shootout where you can mingle with the players, only the players are former college athletes you've watched on television for years who are playing with intense fire trying to make a big league roster. Personable, fan friendly and it's in Vegas! What's not to love!
2) An Arena Football League Game - It's hard to explain, but with cheerleaders in the stands and no sideline buffer to keep you from taunting players, it's bad football at its best.
3) Minor League Baseball - Constant giveaways and high quality play. Also, tons of fireworks nights. The food is still expensive though.
4) Indoor Soccer/Minor League Hockey - I felt bad excluding these sports. See Arena Football. They throw stuff in the stands constantly, the players milk the crowd and they all are playing for their livelihood. It's just a good situation for a fan.
BONUS: Go see a college basketball game, and make it a team you don't normally cheer for. Seeing the pageantry of it all is really remarkable, and there's always a player you'll just be floored by. Usually a point guard, in my case.

I'm glad we cleared this up. Please comment so we can add to this list, if need be. No NASCAR comments please. I really don't care.

As it pertains to 'tawn: He'll be fine, the Cavs will be fine and everyone around town just needs to relax. And yes, I can't wait for Z to be back in town. I just hope the Wizards don't do something stupid like keep him until after March 1st just to spite us. But this remains depressing, so let's move on.

As it pertains to cleaning a flask: I think if you're cleaning any of your dishes with Dial, you have bigger problems than a soapy rum and coke. Also, are you really putting coke into the flask? I'm assuming not, but that's how you made it sound. Not very classy, Myrch.

As it pertains to curling: No I will not sponsor your team. I will, however, take on your challenge. I will watch curling at the olympics and not become a fan. I know this, because similar things have happened with, umm, EVERY OTHER WINTER OLYMPICS "SPORT."

As it pertains to Joe Bott: Congrats do indeed go out to the new Bott family! Here's an idea for a great bachelor party: Mix and match any two of the items from the above bucket list, add in some libations (and ten shots of espresso) and gambling and give it a twist of good friends (including any brothers of your best man who you may have roomed with in the past) and POOF! Miss USA contestants are just icing on the cake.

Speaking of which, if you aren't watching the new season of Amazing Race, you should be. One of the contestants is Caite Upton and for those of you who don't recognize that name, she is the former Miss Teen South Carolina who gave the unprecedented and infamous "therefore, such as like as in the Iraq" response at the Miss Teen USA pageant. The quote in full, for those of you who missed it, is below.

That's all for this post, thanks for reading my responses. How you like me now! Like, therefore, such as, the Iraq and US Americans.


Moderator: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

Caite: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children."

Trust me on this one thing. Somehow, that answer was ironic.

Be well.