as in, I'm not totally sure I agree with people lately.
I don't agree with national media, my friends, athletes and all the people mocking our "better than you think it is" city. And that's not meant to be sarcastic. I don't agree with Patrick Hruby, whose column here isn't worth wasting my breath on calling him an a-hole.
Let me back up and hopefully avoid confusing anyone. I won't go into the details around Lebron and "The Decision" because if you don't know them already, you're probably not reading this. In the aftermath, though, some things came to light. Among the, umm, "highlights" were these revelations:
- Dan Gilbert is a fierce owner, salesman and entertainer.
- Jesse Jackson is a racist.
- David Stern is impartial, fair and an impeccable leader.
- Cleveland is either the butt of the nation's jokes or the recipient of its sympathy, and either way, that's not a good thing.
Recently, a coattail acquaintance of mine named Kevin wrote a dynamite cathartic blog (which can be found here) that focused more or less on the last bullet point, and it got me thinking. By and large I agree with his words, especially his statement that, "your portrayal of Cleveland is ultimately the picture that is in the minds of others." However, there is one little piece that strikes me as inaccurate; namely, the notion that Lebron's leaving has, "...no discernible impact on your [day to day] life."
I get it. I understand that I will still wake up in the morning, go to work and do my job for the better part of 8 hours, drive home, eat dinner, exercise, sleep, rinse, repeat. I get it. On surface level, there is no impact because I am still going through the motions, but let's dig a bit deeper.
GENERALLY SPEAKING, there are two types of Cleveland sports fans:
Group A is segmented by generation, but are basically your not-so-typical die-hards who've been through the ringer more times than any of us care to remember. It's completely unnecessary to run the list of near misses because you've seen it 30 times in the last two weeks.
Group B can be found in any city, anywhere and are your stereotypical "fair-weather fans" (Note: You can find these "fans" by going to flashseats.cavs.com and seeing whose season tickets were recently posted for sale as a set for the upcoming season).
Group B will not be entirely affected by the "former" King's departure. They'll go about their business complaining with colleagues and clients about our subpar sports teams and Browns game blackouts and why the Cavs couldn't win in the postseason and how the Indians have terrible owners. Blah, blah, blah...
Group A, though, the group in which I belong (along with Kevin, I'd imagine), will most certainly feel this pain on a day to day basis.
Here's some trivia. If you searched "Cavs" on Google news two weeks ago, and clicked the tab on the left that said "Past 24 hours," do you know how many search results you'd find? I do, because I did just that. Over 2000. ESPN posted hourly updates, sent correspondents to Cleveland and tracked the progress of the Cavaliers front office. They have done so each summer since the Cavs have become contenders.
I just performed the same search. 4 results. 2 were links to the Cleveland Plain Dealer's "Cavs" page.
Group A is filled with sports junkies who talk and text and email and play fantasy sports and can't get enough talk about our teams. With Lebron, we came close. On lunch, we could read about our team, talk smack to our friends and finally feel some pride in the city, err, the city's sports representatives. I know, because I did just that. From October to May, I was in a very good mood most of the time. Because, like other A'ers, my team's success was something that kept me energized. Now? I can't do that. You can only read 4 articles so many times in the bathroom.
As a basketball fanatic, watching Lebron make history was a once in a lifetime experience (for 7 solid years). As a Clevelander (and world class homer!), watching Lebron make history while rocking the wine and gold was enough to fill a lot of my old sports voids, ring or no ring. And since I was in such good spirits so often, my general mood improved, as did my work performance and my life with family and friends. There are few bonds stronger than those you share with fellow fans, especially your friends.
So my point is this: I'm not in a great mood lately. The team won't be near as "historic" as it's been. In an ideal world, this wouldn't affect my home or work life, and on paper it definitely doesn't. But this is no utopia and it's not Dr. Parnassus's Imaginarium. I mean, at this point it isn't even the King's court. And to say there is no effect on my life (as well as the life of my fellow Group A boys and girls) seems quite short-sighted.
Life goes on, but that doesn't make it the same. And Cleveland businesses will suffer, despite some people thinking the contrary. And these places will certainly be affected day to day, and you can read more on their expected struggle here. Bartenders, wait staff and other crew downtown might want to start looking for second jobs because less people downtown means left shifts to go around.
And I have one last gripe, though it has nothing to do with Kevin's post. And really, it's not a gripe at all, but a statement on how sad life can be for "fake" fans, or people who focus only on results or check the paper and websites just to get final scores. They are really missing the point of sport, the competition.
We don't follow sports for the 30 second clips, we follow to be amazed. Last I checked when we sign up for recreational sports leagues we actually play the games, we don't just look at the other team and say, "Well, what do you think the final score should be?" You can't simulate life. Those of us who watch the "meaningless" games in November know that starting in 2010, we are going to be missing out on something spectacular 82 plus times a year. It might not matter to scoreboard watchers, it matters to fanatics.
And to really drive this point home, when Lebron only signed a 3 year contract extension in 2007, the "Later on, C-town" writing may have been on the wall. He may have been destined to "take his talent to South Beach." We, the true fans, recognized this as much as anyone. HOWEVER (I know, this is like the 90th "however" of the blog), we also recognized that what we were "witnessing" was truly incredible and, rather than fear what might await us down the road, we chose to watch and marvel in ignorant(ish) bliss.
What a damn ride it was...
For the last 3 years, Group B'ers (the scoreboard watchers who, incidentally, were the reason the Indians sold out 455 straight games and now can't crack 10,000 fans on Dollar Dog Night, but that's another blog) have incessantly talked about "what if" Lebron leaves and chose to focus so much on the inevitable that they missed out on being amazed night in and night out, and that's a shame, because it may never happen again in our lifetime. But, as a true fan, I can be at peace knowing, at the very least, I was there. And yeah, I loved the person I WAS when Lebron was rolling down Prospect every night from "deep in the Q!" But that's over now. And my life has changed because of it.
It's better to have loved and lost, I guess.
Be well.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I'm not... Lebron James
FYI - the mailing address for Lebron James home now lists a Chicago, IL address on the Summit County Auditor's website.
That is not terrific news for Cavs fans. More later, or not.
That is not terrific news for Cavs fans. More later, or not.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I'm Not... Complaining
I have a friend that abandoned northern Ohio some seven years ago for the “greener” pastures of Los Angeles, California. I’ve fought with him over the past three calendar changes about the merits of living there when most of his closest friends and all of his family are back East. Eight months out of the year he feeds me some line about LA being where his preferred industry makes its home and how he somewhat enjoys his time there. All I hear is, “Blah, blah, blah.”
The other four months he chooses not to speak at all, instead torturing me with pictures of sunny skies and palm trees, ‘nuff said. And it IS torture.
To say I dislike snow is putting it about as mildly as possible. I mean, we’re talking de-veined jalapeno mild. I loathe the stuff (snow, not jalapenos). What it does to my car; what it does to my back; what it does to my mood; all of it. You can have it; store it wherever you keep the Winter Olympics.
But that brings me back to the palm tree pictures. Those pictures are supposed to insinuate (and often times accompany a not so subtle message that), “Why, again, would I want to live there?” Well, “there” is northern Ohio, and that question is 100% valid. As you probably figured, I’m going to take a stab at an answer.
It’s pretty simple, really, and Tupac said it best, “For every dark night, there’s a bright day after that.” Well for every dark, dreary and freezing winter, there’s a beautiful spring after that. In 2010, its start happened to coincide with March 1st. The first 11 days of the 3rd month have been beyond gorgeous, and I’m sorry, but people who live in more temperate climates just don’t understand that feeling; that desperately thankful feeling.
That’s why I love living here. There are very few feelings that match the greatness of the first time you step outside and smell that warmth in the air. Or rolling down the driver’s side window and just inhaling a crisp, but warm breeze. For that matter, it’s unbelievable the first time you have to keep your car open a few minutes before climbing in because the sun has just baked the interior. Warm weather people take these feelings for granted, even complain about them occasionally! Gasp!
There are all different variations of the phrase “you can’t appreciate the sun without the rain.” I know tons of people would argue that point, but I really think they just don’t get it. Sure, I’d love to wake up 365 days a year knowing I could go for a run through neighborhood streets or play basketball oceanside, but I’m perfectly content where I am, and I know the struggle to push through the winter months will all be (more than) validated on that one perfect spring day.
I’m sure I’m jinxing the weather and the next few weeks will blast the area with rain, wind and probably a couple more dustings of snow, but at this point, I think we can take it.
You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the bright golden sun against a cloudless blue sky after a long Ohio winter; and then again after three weeks of spring rain, sleet and snow. That’s why I want to live here. For all the cold, dark nights, I love the bright warm days after that. And the irony is Tupac was a So Cal boy.
To live and die in LA, indeed.
Be well.
PS - Thanks to Myrch for the inspiration to write this. See his take here.
The other four months he chooses not to speak at all, instead torturing me with pictures of sunny skies and palm trees, ‘nuff said. And it IS torture.
To say I dislike snow is putting it about as mildly as possible. I mean, we’re talking de-veined jalapeno mild. I loathe the stuff (snow, not jalapenos). What it does to my car; what it does to my back; what it does to my mood; all of it. You can have it; store it wherever you keep the Winter Olympics.
But that brings me back to the palm tree pictures. Those pictures are supposed to insinuate (and often times accompany a not so subtle message that), “Why, again, would I want to live there?” Well, “there” is northern Ohio, and that question is 100% valid. As you probably figured, I’m going to take a stab at an answer.
It’s pretty simple, really, and Tupac said it best, “For every dark night, there’s a bright day after that.” Well for every dark, dreary and freezing winter, there’s a beautiful spring after that. In 2010, its start happened to coincide with March 1st. The first 11 days of the 3rd month have been beyond gorgeous, and I’m sorry, but people who live in more temperate climates just don’t understand that feeling; that desperately thankful feeling.
That’s why I love living here. There are very few feelings that match the greatness of the first time you step outside and smell that warmth in the air. Or rolling down the driver’s side window and just inhaling a crisp, but warm breeze. For that matter, it’s unbelievable the first time you have to keep your car open a few minutes before climbing in because the sun has just baked the interior. Warm weather people take these feelings for granted, even complain about them occasionally! Gasp!
There are all different variations of the phrase “you can’t appreciate the sun without the rain.” I know tons of people would argue that point, but I really think they just don’t get it. Sure, I’d love to wake up 365 days a year knowing I could go for a run through neighborhood streets or play basketball oceanside, but I’m perfectly content where I am, and I know the struggle to push through the winter months will all be (more than) validated on that one perfect spring day.
I’m sure I’m jinxing the weather and the next few weeks will blast the area with rain, wind and probably a couple more dustings of snow, but at this point, I think we can take it.
You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the bright golden sun against a cloudless blue sky after a long Ohio winter; and then again after three weeks of spring rain, sleet and snow. That’s why I want to live here. For all the cold, dark nights, I love the bright warm days after that. And the irony is Tupac was a So Cal boy.
To live and die in LA, indeed.
Be well.
PS - Thanks to Myrch for the inspiration to write this. See his take here.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I'm Not... Watching
...and neither are you, apparently.
That's alright, though, the Connecticut Huskies women's basketball team doesn't seem to care, they just keep rattling off win after win after win after... You get the picture.
You should also be aware that they aren't just winning these games by the skin of their teeth. Every single win has come by double digits! Their AVERAGE margin of victory is 32.5 points per game! The last time they lost, George W. Bush was in office and the economy was in shambles. Well, at least part of that has changed.
There simply aren't enough exclamation points available to do this streak proper justice. It is one of the most significant sporting achievements in the history of sport. And it definitely belongs in this blog because 90% of the people in this country are ambivalent to it's excellence. And at least half the population who IS aware could not name three players off that team (myself included).
This team is the epitome of "Not Famous," and their lack of notoriety hasn't seemed to bother them. If anything, it may serve to keep them more focused. It makes you wonder what our professional athletes could do if we'd just stop paying attention to them. They'd have to be more focused and dedicated than ever before. They'd actually have to worry about doing something for the betterment of themselves, rather than for the fame and fortune.
What a thought, huh?
I hereby am officially declaring the Uconn women's basketball win streak "Exhibit A" in my quest to get through to someone that it does not matter who's watching, it only matters what you make of your own opportunities. And I thank these ladies for providing me some evidence.
And now, I'm changing the channel, because I don't care to watch women's basketball.
Be well.
That's alright, though, the Connecticut Huskies women's basketball team doesn't seem to care, they just keep rattling off win after win after win after... You get the picture.
You should also be aware that they aren't just winning these games by the skin of their teeth. Every single win has come by double digits! Their AVERAGE margin of victory is 32.5 points per game! The last time they lost, George W. Bush was in office and the economy was in shambles. Well, at least part of that has changed.
There simply aren't enough exclamation points available to do this streak proper justice. It is one of the most significant sporting achievements in the history of sport. And it definitely belongs in this blog because 90% of the people in this country are ambivalent to it's excellence. And at least half the population who IS aware could not name three players off that team (myself included).
This team is the epitome of "Not Famous," and their lack of notoriety hasn't seemed to bother them. If anything, it may serve to keep them more focused. It makes you wonder what our professional athletes could do if we'd just stop paying attention to them. They'd have to be more focused and dedicated than ever before. They'd actually have to worry about doing something for the betterment of themselves, rather than for the fame and fortune.
What a thought, huh?
I hereby am officially declaring the Uconn women's basketball win streak "Exhibit A" in my quest to get through to someone that it does not matter who's watching, it only matters what you make of your own opportunities. And I thank these ladies for providing me some evidence.
And now, I'm changing the channel, because I don't care to watch women's basketball.
Be well.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I'm Not... Busy
... for roughly the next 8 months...
Well that's not entirely true, but in any circumstance, I'm substantially less pressed for time than I was 24 hours ago, which was right about the time my team's basketball season was ending on a last gasp attempt at a runner in the paint.
So here I sit, only instead of sitting on a hard bench, I'm sitting on a lovely, soft, mocha microfiber couch. Instead of scouting a game or watching film, I'm waiting on a pudgy version of Jay Mohr to take up the television screen. Instead of barking orders at players, I'm getting growled at by Mya, my Siberian Husky who apparently needs more attention than a Kardashian girl on shooting hiatus.
Isn't this the life?
Let me tell you one of the most challenging moments of being not famous, J-Socks style. It came last night about 10:30PM in an enormous green football locker room at Westlake High School. It came after 32 minutes of hard fought competition on the adjacent basketball court. It came when all but 6 young athletes had gone home, moving on to other things; baseball, maybe.
For me, it came in the form of a flashback to the last four years of my coaching life; when the remaining 6 young men were Freshmen in high school. When, on the bus headed to their last game of the season, I told them that the next four years would be gone in the blink of an eye, and how I pleaded with them through anything to just keep pushing forward and never take any moment for granted. I quoted one of my coaching heroes, Jimmy V, in imploring them, "Don't Ever Give Up." I remembered their Sophomore year when they struggled to find themselves as they moved up the program and their Junior year seeing such progress and finding the will to become leaders. And I thought back vividly on this past season, their Senior year, as they persevered through injuries, quitting teammates, no luck, no support from the school community and a tough schedule to steadily improve and give a team all they could handle in the tournament.
And just like that, reality snapped me back to the present moment. A moment filled with red eyes, faces buried in hands to keep the whole world out, sopping jerseys pulled over weary faces and two blank stares wondering aloud how it could be done. Mercifully, gravity took over, my head fell and my vision became focused on the floor. I didn't want them to see as my head throbbed and I fought hard to keep tears at bay.
Four years I was the faceless rock sitting with these young men, the guy at the end of the bench telling them it would be ok, don't give up, things will get better. But now, there is nothing to say. And so I didn't, I just sat with them. Choked up and silent, quite the opposite of all our previous time together.
And I listened as finally they started to talk and pick each other's spirits up. And as a group they all began the process of gaining closure on the situation. And I got some closure, too, because I realized they didn't need me anymore; they'd all become the rock for each other.
As the Assistant Coach, you just kind of sit there and help out as needed. You are invisible to spectators, officials and, most of the time, the players. But as I sat there and they slowly filed out, one by one, they all said, "thank you," and I realized what being not famous meant for me. It meant that painful moment of empathy, as these young men dealt with losing one of the things they cherished most. But seeing that they were more a team now than they'd ever been. I guess you don't have to have a face to make an impression.
I'm incredibly proud of those 6 and I can't believe that my experience with them has come to a close. I'm unbelievably blessed to have gotten an opportunity to coach that group, and I am certain that I'm a better coach because of it, even if I'm still just sitting there, faceless, on the bench. And I hope they have no regrets, because I sure don't.
Well, maybe just one, from that damn Freshman year... I wish I would have told them not to blink.
Be well.
Well that's not entirely true, but in any circumstance, I'm substantially less pressed for time than I was 24 hours ago, which was right about the time my team's basketball season was ending on a last gasp attempt at a runner in the paint.
So here I sit, only instead of sitting on a hard bench, I'm sitting on a lovely, soft, mocha microfiber couch. Instead of scouting a game or watching film, I'm waiting on a pudgy version of Jay Mohr to take up the television screen. Instead of barking orders at players, I'm getting growled at by Mya, my Siberian Husky who apparently needs more attention than a Kardashian girl on shooting hiatus.
Isn't this the life?
Let me tell you one of the most challenging moments of being not famous, J-Socks style. It came last night about 10:30PM in an enormous green football locker room at Westlake High School. It came after 32 minutes of hard fought competition on the adjacent basketball court. It came when all but 6 young athletes had gone home, moving on to other things; baseball, maybe.
For me, it came in the form of a flashback to the last four years of my coaching life; when the remaining 6 young men were Freshmen in high school. When, on the bus headed to their last game of the season, I told them that the next four years would be gone in the blink of an eye, and how I pleaded with them through anything to just keep pushing forward and never take any moment for granted. I quoted one of my coaching heroes, Jimmy V, in imploring them, "Don't Ever Give Up." I remembered their Sophomore year when they struggled to find themselves as they moved up the program and their Junior year seeing such progress and finding the will to become leaders. And I thought back vividly on this past season, their Senior year, as they persevered through injuries, quitting teammates, no luck, no support from the school community and a tough schedule to steadily improve and give a team all they could handle in the tournament.
And just like that, reality snapped me back to the present moment. A moment filled with red eyes, faces buried in hands to keep the whole world out, sopping jerseys pulled over weary faces and two blank stares wondering aloud how it could be done. Mercifully, gravity took over, my head fell and my vision became focused on the floor. I didn't want them to see as my head throbbed and I fought hard to keep tears at bay.
Four years I was the faceless rock sitting with these young men, the guy at the end of the bench telling them it would be ok, don't give up, things will get better. But now, there is nothing to say. And so I didn't, I just sat with them. Choked up and silent, quite the opposite of all our previous time together.
And I listened as finally they started to talk and pick each other's spirits up. And as a group they all began the process of gaining closure on the situation. And I got some closure, too, because I realized they didn't need me anymore; they'd all become the rock for each other.
As the Assistant Coach, you just kind of sit there and help out as needed. You are invisible to spectators, officials and, most of the time, the players. But as I sat there and they slowly filed out, one by one, they all said, "thank you," and I realized what being not famous meant for me. It meant that painful moment of empathy, as these young men dealt with losing one of the things they cherished most. But seeing that they were more a team now than they'd ever been. I guess you don't have to have a face to make an impression.
I'm incredibly proud of those 6 and I can't believe that my experience with them has come to a close. I'm unbelievably blessed to have gotten an opportunity to coach that group, and I am certain that I'm a better coach because of it, even if I'm still just sitting there, faceless, on the bench. And I hope they have no regrets, because I sure don't.
Well, maybe just one, from that damn Freshman year... I wish I would have told them not to blink.
Be well.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I'm Not... Elated
Oh wait, yes I am! Z reportedly is getting his buyout from the Washington Wizards on Thursday which will clear a path for him to come back to Cleveland in 30 days! So, unless he decides he wants to play elsewhere, we might be roughly 30 days away from getting to hear those 3 magic words...
"What up, Lebron!!!"
Sorry for the short post, but this was worth it.
"Anyone want to buy some DVD's?"
Be well.
"What up, Lebron!!!"
Sorry for the short post, but this was worth it.
"Anyone want to buy some DVD's?"
Be well.
Monday, February 22, 2010
I'm Not... Responding
The title of this post is ironic, unlike the song by Alanis Morrisette which chronicles several vignettes that are all examples of Canadian Irony, or as I like to call it, "being a jackass." Let's examine a few lines:
" It's the free ride and you've already paid" -- Well why did you pay?
"It's a death row pardon two minutes too late" -- "It's a homonymn in this song 2 words apart." My question is, who pardoned this? Did they not realize this is a time sensitive issue? Did they send in the paperwork snail mail? Not even Express or Certified? Did they try to make the pardon call and lose service? Stupid cell phones.
"It's the good advice that you just didn't take" -- I feel like we shouldn't even go here. Then again... I envision that Alanis' agent said "hey do you think you should name this song 'Ironic' when none of it is ironic at all? Other than the fact that you're singing about things being ironic and the examples you're using aren't ironic at all which, in turn, makes it ironic?" And Alanis just smiles at him blankly.
Anyway, the point is that I am responding to a post by A-Myrch, and this whole charade was just a time waster. Which may or may not be ironic. Check here for the originating post...
As it pertains to Closed Captioning: Yes, the system is flawed and YES, we probably should have something better at this point. That said, why do you really care? If you're a deaf person, isn't something better than nothing? At the risk of sounding like an ass, I don't hear any deaf people complaining!
Hang on a second, I feel dirty.
Ok, it's not going away, I'll just have to muddle through. The point is that we, as people who are fortunate enough to still have our hearing, need to just not take for granted what we have and see the entertainment value in being able to read the absurdity of Closed Captioning. For more on this topic, see Rick Reilly's point of view.
As it pertains to protein shakes: I can't even begin to care. As noted, I'm not anyone important and I know it, so I'm not big into the "try to make myself look as good as possible" because really, I just don't have the energy. So my thought here is, if you don't like all vanilla shakes, buy 3 different flavors and instead of having 25 shakes, you'll have 75 and a longer lasting supply. Then you can rotate as you wish. Is this really that difficult, Myrch?
As it pertains to Fun: No, the band Fun. And I still have not listened. I will. Eventually. Maybe.
As it pertains to Minor League Sports: I have to agree that minor league games are fantastic. Having a minor league baseball park 1 mile from your house is very convenient. For the most part these guys play all the games the right way because they are still trying to make their dreams come true (not the one about the girls and Xbox, etc. for you "followers").
Since we're here, I'd officially make this the "unofficial" bucket list of minor(ish) sporting events to attend at least once in life:
1) NBA Vegas Summer League - It's like going to an AAU shootout where you can mingle with the players, only the players are former college athletes you've watched on television for years who are playing with intense fire trying to make a big league roster. Personable, fan friendly and it's in Vegas! What's not to love!
2) An Arena Football League Game - It's hard to explain, but with cheerleaders in the stands and no sideline buffer to keep you from taunting players, it's bad football at its best.
3) Minor League Baseball - Constant giveaways and high quality play. Also, tons of fireworks nights. The food is still expensive though.
4) Indoor Soccer/Minor League Hockey - I felt bad excluding these sports. See Arena Football. They throw stuff in the stands constantly, the players milk the crowd and they all are playing for their livelihood. It's just a good situation for a fan.
BONUS: Go see a college basketball game, and make it a team you don't normally cheer for. Seeing the pageantry of it all is really remarkable, and there's always a player you'll just be floored by. Usually a point guard, in my case.
I'm glad we cleared this up. Please comment so we can add to this list, if need be. No NASCAR comments please. I really don't care.
As it pertains to 'tawn: He'll be fine, the Cavs will be fine and everyone around town just needs to relax. And yes, I can't wait for Z to be back in town. I just hope the Wizards don't do something stupid like keep him until after March 1st just to spite us. But this remains depressing, so let's move on.
As it pertains to cleaning a flask: I think if you're cleaning any of your dishes with Dial, you have bigger problems than a soapy rum and coke. Also, are you really putting coke into the flask? I'm assuming not, but that's how you made it sound. Not very classy, Myrch.
As it pertains to curling: No I will not sponsor your team. I will, however, take on your challenge. I will watch curling at the olympics and not become a fan. I know this, because similar things have happened with, umm, EVERY OTHER WINTER OLYMPICS "SPORT."
As it pertains to Joe Bott: Congrats do indeed go out to the new Bott family! Here's an idea for a great bachelor party: Mix and match any two of the items from the above bucket list, add in some libations (and ten shots of espresso) and gambling and give it a twist of good friends (including any brothers of your best man who you may have roomed with in the past) and POOF! Miss USA contestants are just icing on the cake.
Speaking of which, if you aren't watching the new season of Amazing Race, you should be. One of the contestants is Caite Upton and for those of you who don't recognize that name, she is the former Miss Teen South Carolina who gave the unprecedented and infamous "therefore, such as like as in the Iraq" response at the Miss Teen USA pageant. The quote in full, for those of you who missed it, is below.
That's all for this post, thanks for reading my responses. How you like me now! Like, therefore, such as, the Iraq and US Americans.
Moderator: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"
Caite: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children."
Trust me on this one thing. Somehow, that answer was ironic.
Be well.
" It's the free ride and you've already paid" -- Well why did you pay?
"It's a death row pardon two minutes too late" -- "It's a homonymn in this song 2 words apart." My question is, who pardoned this? Did they not realize this is a time sensitive issue? Did they send in the paperwork snail mail? Not even Express or Certified? Did they try to make the pardon call and lose service? Stupid cell phones.
"It's the good advice that you just didn't take" -- I feel like we shouldn't even go here. Then again... I envision that Alanis' agent said "hey do you think you should name this song 'Ironic' when none of it is ironic at all? Other than the fact that you're singing about things being ironic and the examples you're using aren't ironic at all which, in turn, makes it ironic?" And Alanis just smiles at him blankly.
Anyway, the point is that I am responding to a post by A-Myrch, and this whole charade was just a time waster. Which may or may not be ironic. Check here for the originating post...
As it pertains to Closed Captioning: Yes, the system is flawed and YES, we probably should have something better at this point. That said, why do you really care? If you're a deaf person, isn't something better than nothing? At the risk of sounding like an ass, I don't hear any deaf people complaining!
Hang on a second, I feel dirty.
Ok, it's not going away, I'll just have to muddle through. The point is that we, as people who are fortunate enough to still have our hearing, need to just not take for granted what we have and see the entertainment value in being able to read the absurdity of Closed Captioning. For more on this topic, see Rick Reilly's point of view.
As it pertains to protein shakes: I can't even begin to care. As noted, I'm not anyone important and I know it, so I'm not big into the "try to make myself look as good as possible" because really, I just don't have the energy. So my thought here is, if you don't like all vanilla shakes, buy 3 different flavors and instead of having 25 shakes, you'll have 75 and a longer lasting supply. Then you can rotate as you wish. Is this really that difficult, Myrch?
As it pertains to Fun: No, the band Fun. And I still have not listened. I will. Eventually. Maybe.
As it pertains to Minor League Sports: I have to agree that minor league games are fantastic. Having a minor league baseball park 1 mile from your house is very convenient. For the most part these guys play all the games the right way because they are still trying to make their dreams come true (not the one about the girls and Xbox, etc. for you "followers").
Since we're here, I'd officially make this the "unofficial" bucket list of minor(ish) sporting events to attend at least once in life:
1) NBA Vegas Summer League - It's like going to an AAU shootout where you can mingle with the players, only the players are former college athletes you've watched on television for years who are playing with intense fire trying to make a big league roster. Personable, fan friendly and it's in Vegas! What's not to love!
2) An Arena Football League Game - It's hard to explain, but with cheerleaders in the stands and no sideline buffer to keep you from taunting players, it's bad football at its best.
3) Minor League Baseball - Constant giveaways and high quality play. Also, tons of fireworks nights. The food is still expensive though.
4) Indoor Soccer/Minor League Hockey - I felt bad excluding these sports. See Arena Football. They throw stuff in the stands constantly, the players milk the crowd and they all are playing for their livelihood. It's just a good situation for a fan.
BONUS: Go see a college basketball game, and make it a team you don't normally cheer for. Seeing the pageantry of it all is really remarkable, and there's always a player you'll just be floored by. Usually a point guard, in my case.
I'm glad we cleared this up. Please comment so we can add to this list, if need be. No NASCAR comments please. I really don't care.
As it pertains to 'tawn: He'll be fine, the Cavs will be fine and everyone around town just needs to relax. And yes, I can't wait for Z to be back in town. I just hope the Wizards don't do something stupid like keep him until after March 1st just to spite us. But this remains depressing, so let's move on.
As it pertains to cleaning a flask: I think if you're cleaning any of your dishes with Dial, you have bigger problems than a soapy rum and coke. Also, are you really putting coke into the flask? I'm assuming not, but that's how you made it sound. Not very classy, Myrch.
As it pertains to curling: No I will not sponsor your team. I will, however, take on your challenge. I will watch curling at the olympics and not become a fan. I know this, because similar things have happened with, umm, EVERY OTHER WINTER OLYMPICS "SPORT."
As it pertains to Joe Bott: Congrats do indeed go out to the new Bott family! Here's an idea for a great bachelor party: Mix and match any two of the items from the above bucket list, add in some libations (and ten shots of espresso) and gambling and give it a twist of good friends (including any brothers of your best man who you may have roomed with in the past) and POOF! Miss USA contestants are just icing on the cake.
Speaking of which, if you aren't watching the new season of Amazing Race, you should be. One of the contestants is Caite Upton and for those of you who don't recognize that name, she is the former Miss Teen South Carolina who gave the unprecedented and infamous "therefore, such as like as in the Iraq" response at the Miss Teen USA pageant. The quote in full, for those of you who missed it, is below.
That's all for this post, thanks for reading my responses. How you like me now! Like, therefore, such as, the Iraq and US Americans.
Moderator: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"
Caite: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children."
Trust me on this one thing. Somehow, that answer was ironic.
Be well.
Friday, February 19, 2010
I'm Not... Tiger
...and thank God for that!
Today is the day Tiger Woods begins what he hopes will be his greatest comeback to date; the one where he overcomes a personal shortcoming far worse than a mediocre mid-range game on the greens; the one that may finally display a small crack in the titanium we've come to know as his nerves; the one where he has to publicly admit a very private transgression.
Today is not a good day to be Eldrick.
I have a lot of feelings on this topic, but I don't have a ton of time this morning, so I'm just going to say this: To all of Tiger's fans that have turned their backs on him, shame on you. Never once did you flip on the Master's because you thought, "Hey, I bet Tiger is a really good person and I'd love to see him be successful." No, you turned the television on because you wanted to see him hit it 4oo yards off the tee. And whether we like it or not, being a decent person is not a prerequisite to being the world's best golfer.
And by the way, Tiger's faults and infidelity don't necessarily make him a bad person, they just make him a person. We have this tendency to look at actors, athletes, musicians, etc. as these superhero type, perfect individuals. The reality is, they're no different than you or I, for the most part (just ask Us Weekly). And who the hell are we to judge?
This man was beloved a year ago because of the things he could do on a golf course. Our perception was that he was just as successful a person off the course in his personal life, whatever that means. We didn't know that he was struggling with an "addiction" (which, by the way, is total BS) and so we loved him. We loved him for being a ridiculous golfer with a great wholesome persona; a persona he had to wear like a crown of thorns fastened to his head by the viewers (and, incidentally, sponsored by Nike).
And he did not live up to that persona or our expectations, and now we chastise him for it. And we do so not because he cheated on his wife, but because he let us down! (How stupid is that!?) We turn our back on a man because we wrongly applied values to his name. If word broke out that Ron Artest was serial cheating on his wife, would anyone stop cheering for him? No, it'd be fodder for opposing fans, but home crowds would not waver. We know this to be gospel (ironic) because we saw it firsthand with Kobe Bryant and his infidelity situation.
So to Tiger's "fans" I say, in short, shame on you. You're no better than any unfaithful spouse. You reap all the benefits from watching him play the game, only to turn on him at the first sign of trouble (or some hot waitress at Perkins).
And, Tiger, don't worry, the sponsors come back. Isn't that right, Kobe?
Be well.
PS - Today's Trivia -- Can you guess who woke up and worked out this morning??
Today is the day Tiger Woods begins what he hopes will be his greatest comeback to date; the one where he overcomes a personal shortcoming far worse than a mediocre mid-range game on the greens; the one that may finally display a small crack in the titanium we've come to know as his nerves; the one where he has to publicly admit a very private transgression.
Today is not a good day to be Eldrick.
I have a lot of feelings on this topic, but I don't have a ton of time this morning, so I'm just going to say this: To all of Tiger's fans that have turned their backs on him, shame on you. Never once did you flip on the Master's because you thought, "Hey, I bet Tiger is a really good person and I'd love to see him be successful." No, you turned the television on because you wanted to see him hit it 4oo yards off the tee. And whether we like it or not, being a decent person is not a prerequisite to being the world's best golfer.
And by the way, Tiger's faults and infidelity don't necessarily make him a bad person, they just make him a person. We have this tendency to look at actors, athletes, musicians, etc. as these superhero type, perfect individuals. The reality is, they're no different than you or I, for the most part (just ask Us Weekly). And who the hell are we to judge?
This man was beloved a year ago because of the things he could do on a golf course. Our perception was that he was just as successful a person off the course in his personal life, whatever that means. We didn't know that he was struggling with an "addiction" (which, by the way, is total BS) and so we loved him. We loved him for being a ridiculous golfer with a great wholesome persona; a persona he had to wear like a crown of thorns fastened to his head by the viewers (and, incidentally, sponsored by Nike).
And he did not live up to that persona or our expectations, and now we chastise him for it. And we do so not because he cheated on his wife, but because he let us down! (How stupid is that!?) We turn our back on a man because we wrongly applied values to his name. If word broke out that Ron Artest was serial cheating on his wife, would anyone stop cheering for him? No, it'd be fodder for opposing fans, but home crowds would not waver. We know this to be gospel (ironic) because we saw it firsthand with Kobe Bryant and his infidelity situation.
So to Tiger's "fans" I say, in short, shame on you. You're no better than any unfaithful spouse. You reap all the benefits from watching him play the game, only to turn on him at the first sign of trouble (or some hot waitress at Perkins).
And, Tiger, don't worry, the sponsors come back. Isn't that right, Kobe?
Be well.
PS - Today's Trivia -- Can you guess who woke up and worked out this morning??
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I'm not... UNDERwhelmed
Lots of things going on, none of which relate to a pleasantly warm, well-lit city in Nevada. Let's do a top ten list of overwhelming "stuff" that's happening with me right now, and are examples of things that go on in the lives of us INF'ers.
1) My Cleveland Cavaliers traded away the face of the franchise tonight. No, not that one. I'm talking about Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Great guy, been a "pillar" of the Cavaliers organization (thanks Brian Windhorst) for over a decade and just recently was immortalized in MVP puppet form (thanks Phil Knight). This is a sad day around the "Big League City" (thanks Michael Reghi). Undoubtedly Cavs fans across the country, and probably some in Lithuania, are holding their breath for a buyout that would free Z to re-sign here, albeit in 30 days. I know I am. I hate trading him away, he deserves to be here, he deserves a ring and he deserves another man hug from Lebron (like the one he got a few years back in late Spring, only this time, it should be sometime in mid to late June). That being said, you HAVE to make this trade, for the team's sake. We basically stole Antawn Jamison away from Washington. It's an incredible trade and even I have to admit, Danny Ferry and staff have once again earned their paycheck. And their extensions... Phew, never thought I'd say that.. Overall, from a basketball standpoint, this is a phenomenal A+ trade and I completely agree with it, it's just hard to see someone like Z get shipped away. Keep fingers crossed he's back sometime in March.
2) What is the deal with birthdays? January 26th is my brother's birthday. February 10th is my wife's. The 13th? My sister and my friend each celebrate. The 18th belongs to my brother-in-law, the 19th to my mother-in-law and that doesn't even get into the 3 birthdays in March. Oh, and Valentine's Day falls in that stretch. Oh, and I'm still paying for Christmas! Why do I bring this up? I don't know, I feel like people should know these things.
3) Baseball Season is almost about to start the fake version of what sometimes can be construed as something that vaguely resembles big league games. Spring Training is underway. 6 more weeks of winter my @$$! But oh wait, there's still mounds of snow everywhere and I'm not cautiously optimistic about the Indians at all. So, there's that..
4) To go back to school or to ______________. That is the question.
5) To write a book, that is the ideal.
6) You know what would be nice? Not being tired. If I could make myself wake up in the morning and go workout or even just exercise at home, I'd probably be much better company. So the next time I see you and I'm a bit crabby, just remember it's not my fault. Just chalk it up to my inability to get out of bed and the resulting lack of exercise.
7) Did I mention I did not go to Vegas where I did not meet Andrew McMahon?
8) Seriously, have you seen the Nike commercial with puppet Z? The thought of never getting to see that again is enough to make grown men cry!
9) When you own a home, there is stuff to do constantly! And can anyone tell me where all the junk came from?
10) It's weird to think that I'm 28 and still in a phase where I'm growing up. I don't know if that's bad, good or just normal, but I'm choosing to accept it as the latter. I know several people my age or older who have still not found what they want to do with their lives and in the mean time, a quarter of it is gone! But as the old saying goes, "satisfaction lies in the journey, not the destination" so I'm going to attempt to not worry about it that much!
And with that, I'm going to try and get some sleep. Maybe that way I'll wake up early enough to exercise tomorrow! What's that? You aren't holding your breath? That makes two of us. If you see me tomorrow, best steer clear. I'll probably be crabby.
Be well.
1) My Cleveland Cavaliers traded away the face of the franchise tonight. No, not that one. I'm talking about Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Great guy, been a "pillar" of the Cavaliers organization (thanks Brian Windhorst) for over a decade and just recently was immortalized in MVP puppet form (thanks Phil Knight). This is a sad day around the "Big League City" (thanks Michael Reghi). Undoubtedly Cavs fans across the country, and probably some in Lithuania, are holding their breath for a buyout that would free Z to re-sign here, albeit in 30 days. I know I am. I hate trading him away, he deserves to be here, he deserves a ring and he deserves another man hug from Lebron (like the one he got a few years back in late Spring, only this time, it should be sometime in mid to late June). That being said, you HAVE to make this trade, for the team's sake. We basically stole Antawn Jamison away from Washington. It's an incredible trade and even I have to admit, Danny Ferry and staff have once again earned their paycheck. And their extensions... Phew, never thought I'd say that.. Overall, from a basketball standpoint, this is a phenomenal A+ trade and I completely agree with it, it's just hard to see someone like Z get shipped away. Keep fingers crossed he's back sometime in March.
2) What is the deal with birthdays? January 26th is my brother's birthday. February 10th is my wife's. The 13th? My sister and my friend each celebrate. The 18th belongs to my brother-in-law, the 19th to my mother-in-law and that doesn't even get into the 3 birthdays in March. Oh, and Valentine's Day falls in that stretch. Oh, and I'm still paying for Christmas! Why do I bring this up? I don't know, I feel like people should know these things.
3) Baseball Season is almost about to start the fake version of what sometimes can be construed as something that vaguely resembles big league games. Spring Training is underway. 6 more weeks of winter my @$$! But oh wait, there's still mounds of snow everywhere and I'm not cautiously optimistic about the Indians at all. So, there's that..
4) To go back to school or to ______________. That is the question.
5) To write a book, that is the ideal.
6) You know what would be nice? Not being tired. If I could make myself wake up in the morning and go workout or even just exercise at home, I'd probably be much better company. So the next time I see you and I'm a bit crabby, just remember it's not my fault. Just chalk it up to my inability to get out of bed and the resulting lack of exercise.
7) Did I mention I did not go to Vegas where I did not meet Andrew McMahon?
8) Seriously, have you seen the Nike commercial with puppet Z? The thought of never getting to see that again is enough to make grown men cry!
9) When you own a home, there is stuff to do constantly! And can anyone tell me where all the junk came from?
10) It's weird to think that I'm 28 and still in a phase where I'm growing up. I don't know if that's bad, good or just normal, but I'm choosing to accept it as the latter. I know several people my age or older who have still not found what they want to do with their lives and in the mean time, a quarter of it is gone! But as the old saying goes, "satisfaction lies in the journey, not the destination" so I'm going to attempt to not worry about it that much!
And with that, I'm going to try and get some sleep. Maybe that way I'll wake up early enough to exercise tomorrow! What's that? You aren't holding your breath? That makes two of us. If you see me tomorrow, best steer clear. I'll probably be crabby.
Be well.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Begin...
Sitting on a couch, staring out a picture window at layers upon layers of fluffy freezing nastiness will really work wonders for your complex.
Inspiring, right?
Well I'm not Abe Lincoln, or even George W. Bush for that matter, but in many ways, that is the point. I've spent a lot time over the past few years figuring out that humble fact. Things don't always go as dreamt; in fact, that's rare. And people are starting to notice.
This thought process has slowly infiltrated the next generation that's coming along and I've had occasion to witness it firsthand. Kids (a loose term, for now) are slamming the snooze button on their dreams and that void is filled with Xbox and girls and entitlement and who knows what else.
That's kind of a depressing sentiment if you ask me. But it is what it is. And here's the rub, it may not be a terrible thing.
Alright, maybe I should backtrack just a hair.
If the biggest aspirations among people who have yet to change the world (kids?) is to sleep in and play Xbox, then maybe we have a problem. But if those same people are going about their business, working hard and doing things the right way, and maybe some of their bigger goals don't pan out, I'm here to tell them that it's ok. Not everyone can be Lebron James or Barack Obama or even the guy in charge at work everyday. Not everyone can be big man on campus or the best player on the high school team.
It's ok.
That's the point. When people attempt things in life to try and make themselves happy or truly fulfilled, then even if they don't succeed as they hope, there can still be satisfaction. There must still be satisfaction. A young man who is a Senior in high school and has worked his whole life for that one basketball season can not let the lack of success, be it team or individual, discourage him from what he's achieved simply by efforting to be a better player. Because in reality, he spent his time becoming a better person as he took steps to improve himself on the court. He was motivated, and it didn't pan out as it did in his dreams, but there's nothing wrong with that. He'll still find success in life, even if in basketball, he's just another face in the crowd.
Sometimes we are what we are, and while I'm not suggesting that you settle, I am insisting that you not apologize.
I may not write introductions with the mastery of Rick Reilly. I don't often have something that must be said. But this time, I'm onto something.
So whether you're inspired by words or moved (while sitting on the couch) by snow, just remember that this little journey is one guy's point of view. And you may not agree.
And that guy's not anybody anyway. And he probably has no clue what he's talking about. And that's ok.
I'm not famous.
Be well.
Inspiring, right?
Well I'm not Abe Lincoln, or even George W. Bush for that matter, but in many ways, that is the point. I've spent a lot time over the past few years figuring out that humble fact. Things don't always go as dreamt; in fact, that's rare. And people are starting to notice.
This thought process has slowly infiltrated the next generation that's coming along and I've had occasion to witness it firsthand. Kids (a loose term, for now) are slamming the snooze button on their dreams and that void is filled with Xbox and girls and entitlement and who knows what else.
That's kind of a depressing sentiment if you ask me. But it is what it is. And here's the rub, it may not be a terrible thing.
Alright, maybe I should backtrack just a hair.
If the biggest aspirations among people who have yet to change the world (kids?) is to sleep in and play Xbox, then maybe we have a problem. But if those same people are going about their business, working hard and doing things the right way, and maybe some of their bigger goals don't pan out, I'm here to tell them that it's ok. Not everyone can be Lebron James or Barack Obama or even the guy in charge at work everyday. Not everyone can be big man on campus or the best player on the high school team.
It's ok.
That's the point. When people attempt things in life to try and make themselves happy or truly fulfilled, then even if they don't succeed as they hope, there can still be satisfaction. There must still be satisfaction. A young man who is a Senior in high school and has worked his whole life for that one basketball season can not let the lack of success, be it team or individual, discourage him from what he's achieved simply by efforting to be a better player. Because in reality, he spent his time becoming a better person as he took steps to improve himself on the court. He was motivated, and it didn't pan out as it did in his dreams, but there's nothing wrong with that. He'll still find success in life, even if in basketball, he's just another face in the crowd.
Sometimes we are what we are, and while I'm not suggesting that you settle, I am insisting that you not apologize.
I may not write introductions with the mastery of Rick Reilly. I don't often have something that must be said. But this time, I'm onto something.
So whether you're inspired by words or moved (while sitting on the couch) by snow, just remember that this little journey is one guy's point of view. And you may not agree.
And that guy's not anybody anyway. And he probably has no clue what he's talking about. And that's ok.
I'm not famous.
Be well.
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